Chills 'n' Thrills

The run up to Halloween finds me knee-deep in nostalgia and indulging in one of my passions: old scary movies. I'm digging out the DVDs starring Vincent Price, Christopher Lee, Peter Cushing, Boris Karloff, Bela Lugosi, and Lon Chaney. I don't know what it is about these movies that fascinate me so, because I'm not morbid or given to dark thoughts. My theory is that my first exposure to these films is associated with good times with my family back there on East Street in the late sixties and early seventies. Creature Features on Channel 5 was pretty much required viewing by older sister and brother every Saturday so I would catch bits and pieces of the classics they were watching as I was playing with toys. Why did the people in these movies look so strange? I remember thinking. If I got freaked out my sister would calm me down by telling me that the movie was about "a nice monster who is just pretending to be scary." A good strategy on her part—mom would have come in from the kitchen and turned the channel otherwise!

That isn't to say that the strategy always worked. I remember being terrified, just terrified, of the claymation hand that used to bookend movies on WPIX's Chiller Theater. Remember that? "Chilllllll—errrrrrr…" My sister and I had a different strategy for Chiller. At the first sign of the hand I'd run and hide behind the chair and cover my ears. When the commercial break was over, she'd tap me on the shoulder as a signal that it was ok to come back out. That goofy hand scared me more than the actual movies.

So many scary (but kind of fun) images come to mind from the family TV circa 1970s: The Zuni Fetish Doll from the movie Trilogy of Terror, Bigfoot chasing around the Six Million Dollar Man, The Blob, and a slapdash screamfest called Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things that aired on Channel 9's Million Dollar Movie. Steve Niver, who grew up around the corner on the South Side, shares a lot of these same memories. We were both blessed with wonderful and responsible parents, which make us wonder how we ever were allowed to watch this stuff. I can only imagine that we must have been pretty sneaky kids!

I remember watching was Salem's Lot when I was 11. My sister kept asking me if it was too scary for me—it was—but I kept insisting that I was fine. I resented the fact that my sister was treating me like a "little kid." During the commercial break she went to the kitchen to get a drink of water. I stealthily tip-toed behind her through the dark house on Onondaga Avenue. When see turned around from the sink I let out a hissing sound while doing my best Count Dracula impression. The result was a broken glass, water everywhere, and a panicked older sister quickly turned into an angry older sister. I think Salem's Lot might have been too scary for both of us! (Not a nice trick for me to play on the person who told me about nice pretending monsters and helped me hide behind the chair!)

I watch scary movies and write about them in this annual self-indulgent pre-Halloween column. Steve went to Hollywood and makes scary movies. With his new company The Monster Machine he's making movies with titles like Arachnaconda  and Grizzligator. He really gets that these kinds of movies are meant to fun. The fact that he's getting these projects off the ground pleases me to no end. I imagine in a few years someone will be writing about how they hid behind the chair from Arachnaconda when they were a kid. Isn't that cool?

Ian Eastman, M.A. is the Youth Coordinator for the Southwestern Conference of the Upstate New York Synod, the Coordinator of the Shared Lutheran Youth Ministry in Jamestown NY, and a Youth Minister in the Pastoral Care Department at Gustavus Adolphus Family Services. He is a student at the Institute for Youth Ministry at Princeton Theological Seminary. He promotes the spiritual development of young people and advocates for best practices in youth work.

Helping Kids Cope with Stress

In my day work in mental/behavioral health, every autumn brings an influx of young people trying to cope with the demands of a new school year. This article is well worth a read if you know a young person under stress. Check out the article here: Helping Kids Cope with Stress.

The High & Low of it

In one of the support groups that I conduct in my day job, the participants kept describing communication as an important way to build intimacy in their families. I wholeheartedly agreed with them, but I wanted to make sure that they really understood what they were advocating. After a few sessions I wrote some common phrases that someone might hear in a relationship. I asked them to read the statements and then formulate a reply acknowledging they understood the feelings in the statements. The next week I asked them to reflect back the content. The results were interesting. One guy summed up the experiment by saying, "We talk about communication all the time, but it turns out that it's a lot harder than we thought!"

Child development experts relate that there is often very little communication happening with our children. Often we grownups don't notice this because our families are awash with words. If we tape-recorded our family life we would soon discover that most of the words come in the form of telling them what to do: Do the dishes, Get your homework done, etc. Necessary, but not the most significant exchange of ideas, eh? We would be shocked and dismayed to learn that once we cut out all of that kind of stuff from the tape that there would probably only be a minute or two of substance each day.

This isn't meant to be another finger-pointing indictment of parents. I'm just mentioning it out because dads and moms are the most important influence on their children's character and values. Knowing that, wouldn't it make sense to have as many conversations about important things as possible? It may not always feel like it, but believe me, young people crave this kind of attention—even when they're too cool to show it.

One way to start is to observe the practice of Highs & Lows. It could be something you do together at the dinner table or before bedtime. Ask everyone tell the best part of their day (the High) and the worst part of their day (the Low). This is practical way to start the discussion because it discourages the typical one-word answer: How was your day?/Good. Also, it also teaches your child that there is a range of experiences each day. A good day has a little bad, and even a bad day has some good. When practiced consistently, Highs & Lows can really yield some heart-to-heart communication and foster intimacy in families.

Ian Eastman, M.A. is the Youth Coordinator for the Southwestern Conference of the Upstate New York Synod, the Coordinator of the Shared Lutheran Youth Ministry in Jamestown NY, and a Youth Minister in the Pastoral Care Department at Gustavus Adolphus Family Services. He is a student at the Institute for Youth Ministry at Princeton Theological Seminary. He promotes the spiritual development of young people and advocates for best practices in youth work.

10 Things I Want to Tell Parents

Bread Not Stones is a blog that intended to help parents or others who find themselves with the responsibility of raising children in faith. The whole site is worth a look, but the link below serves as a good introduction. Pastor Rebecca Kirkpatrick lays out in one post some of the most important things she's learned as a pastor and a parent who works with families. This would make a good conversation starter over coffee.

Here it is: 10 Things I Want to Tell Parents

October 2012 meeting minutes for Southwestern Conference Youth Ministries Team

Southwestern Conference Youth Ministries Team Meeting
October 7, 2012  9 am
First Lutheran Church

Meeting minutes
Present: Ian Eastman (SW Conference), Tara Eastman (First Lutheran), Mike Felsman (Tri-Church), Ann McKillip (St. Tim's), Jennifer Spacht (Bethel) & Janet Wahlberg (First Lutheran).

Devotion
Tara opened with a meditation based on the TV show "Clean Sweep." In our lives, what do we need to keep, sell (pass on), and toss. This would also make a good youth group lesson, or a family devotional tool.

Pool It!

The next Conference Youth Ministries event is POOL IT! set for Sunday, October 14 from 3 pm - 6 pm at the Jamestown Community College Total Fitness Center on the Jamestown Campus. It is for youth in grades 5 - 12. Admission is $5 and includes 2 hours of swim time, pizza, and a time of worship and reflection. Proceeds will benefit ELCA World Hunger efforts. More details at this link.

• Email this flyer to youth and their parents
• Share this link on their Facebook page and on your church's Facebook page
• Make an announcement and hand out flyers in church next Sunday morning.

Congregations will be of immense help by forwarding on information about this event to young people. Every church was emailed a copy of the flyer.

The event is coming together well, but we will be short several members of our usual team this weekend due to continuing education and family commitments. Anyone bringing youth to this event who would be willing to help out with out this event is asked to contact Ian by email. We need some folks to help with registration, serving pizza, etc. and also with worship.

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Mission on the Mon Info Meeting

The Southwestern Conference has a mission trip planned for July 7 - 12, 2013 to McKeesport, PA. It is for youth in grades 9 - 12. We are doing an informational meeting on Tuesday, October 18 at 6:30 pm at First Lutheran Church to see who is interested and to share some information about this event.

Captive Free East Lakes team.

Youth Workers Retreat 

The Youth Workers retreat is set for October 26 & 27. It is always a productive time. Registration forms with more information can be found here.

Captive Free

Captive Free, a music ministry from Youth Encounter will be in our Conference from Saturday Nov. 17 - Tuesday Nov. 20. They will be providing a variety of ministry over those several days. The schedule is shaping up as follows:

Saturday:

Family Harvest Festival, 2pm, First Lutheran. First providing lunch.

Team visitation to residents, 5 pm, G.A. Home (tentative). G.A. providing dinner.

Sunday:

Morning Worship, Bethel Jamestown. Bethel providing breakfast and lunch for team.

Whoopensocker (Conference Youth event), 1 pm, Gateway Center in Jamestown.

Sunday night dinner - To be provided

Monday:

Team Sabbath per covenant.

Breakfast: To be provided

Lunch: To be provided

Dinner: Saint Timothy's (tentative)

Tuesday:

Breakfast & Devotional for JHS High School Students, 7 am, First Lutheran.

Sack Lunch: To be provided.

We are blessed to have the team lodging hosted by Karen Rine, a member at First Lutheran. We are seeking churches to provide meals for the team of 5 people. We are looking for someone to sponsor Sunday night dinner, Monday Breakfast, Monday Lunch, and a Tuesday sack lunch. The team could be guests of a family or church, be given a casserole to heat up, or be given gift cards to a local restaurant. Contact Ian if your church is willing to help in this way.

Email deadlines for church newsletters is generally 10-15. Ian will have an announcement send out for the Whoopensocker and the JHS student breakfast. Tara Eastman & Janet Wahlberg are handling announcements and organization of the Family Harvest Festival. Jennifer Spacht will do publicity on Bethel's morning worship.

Child Abuse Prevention Training

Southwestern Conference Youth Ministries is partnering with the Child Advocacy Program to bring Stewards of Children: Child Sexual Abuse Prevention Training to our conference on Saturday, December 1 from 9 am - noon at First Lutheran Church, 120 Chandler St. in Jamestown.

Do you know how to recognize the signs of sexual abuse? How about your volunteers that work with children and young people? Are you confident that your church would react promptly and responsibly? This is a resource that can help your congregation increase its awareness of a devastating issue and put organizational policies and procedures in place that protect and serve children.

This evidence-based training is appropriate for pastors, youth workers, Sunday School teachers, nursery workers, "Cherish Our Children" committee members, and other caring adults. The cost of the training is $10 per person and includes a workbook for each participant. The Conference Youth Ministries Team will spring for refreshments. 

You can mail or fax your registration--please note that the deadline for registration is November 16 to ensure that workbooks arrive in time. I have attached a flyer with further information about this event. Please get this on your December calendars and plan on having key leadership from your church in attendance.

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A sermon seen

One of my mantras in youth work is  show don't tell. This comes out of two convictions: First, experience is a much better teacher than I ever expect to be. Second, young people will learn when they’re engaged. So most of my energy is spent setting up experiences that help them develop compassion and empathy. I look at my role more as a sounding board for what they discover. (I do help them out with a few good questions from time to time.)

Over the last several years I have been working with youth at-risk in a residential youth home. It has been a good experience if not always an easy one! So many adults have already failed these kids. Early on I was just another new face from “the system.” I persevered and learned patience. The youth saw some benefit, too, and the work became easier. Still, something was missing.

A lot of our discussion revolved around conflicts between residents over hurts both painfully real and imagined. Frankly, we had talked some of these things to death. Despite the evidence to the contrary—staff reassured me of the value of what I was doing and the youth kept showing up—I began to feel like we were barely making a dent.

One day it occurred to me. Maybe I could help them better if I showed rather than told them what to do. We decided to change our group from discussing topics around a table to doing some regular visitation in a retirement home. We'd be there for the seniors, I explained—visit with them, play board games and assemble puzzles, etc. In preparation, we brainstormed what they had in common with the seniors. They came up with these answers:

• Neither wanted to leave their home and live in a facility.
• They had to make new friends.
• They have to live-with and relate-to people they don’t “care for.”
• Someone else sets their agenda—decides when it’s time to eat, go to school (youth), take their medicine (adults), wash up, etc.
• They are in a place where they are kept safe and looked after. 
• They wonder about their place in the world—youth think about what their life will be like; the seniors think how their careers and roles are different now.
• They miss doing things they used to do and people they used to see. 

Too often the generations caricature each other. We look at the obvious differences: clothes, music, etc. But we discovered in this exercise that in some important ways they weren’t that different, after all.

It was amazing to see the youth transform. These same young people who would pick and fight with each quickly learned residents’ names and began greeting them. They were so considerate with the seniors, asking them what they wanted to do, and patiently explaining the directions if they were confused. One time I had to break up an argument between two girls, but they were at least arguing because they both wanted to give up their chairs to a late-arriving resident. That has to count for something!

Sometimes people don’t discover how gifted and capable they are until they are put in a situation out of the routine. At least it is true for these girls. I don't hold any illusions. These kids have experienced more in a decade and a half than I have in all of my 44 years. So much negative reinforcement. But I hold onto the hope that the good behavior (and the thought process behind it) at the retirement home will start to kick in when they're back at their dormitory, too. It will be their routine behavior when they leave the group home someday and make a home of their own. 

I think the poet Edward Guest said it best: "I'd rather see a sermon than hear one any day; I'd rather one should walk with me than merely tell the way."

Ian Eastman, M.A. is the Youth Coordinator for the Southwestern Conference of the Upstate New York Synod, the Coordinator of the Shared Lutheran Youth Ministry in Jamestown NY, and a Youth Minister in the Pastoral Care Department at Gustavus Adolphus Family Services. He is a student at the Institute for Youth Ministry at Princeton Theological Seminary. He promotes the spiritual development of young people and advocates for best practices in youth work.

Children and Loss

How do you help children through a time of bereavement or loss? Reclaiming Youth International outlines the stages of grief and offers some insight into the process in this link.

Shared Lutheran Youth Ministry news for October 2012

The Shared Lutheran Youth Ministry is a youth group for grades 5 - 12 that meets in the Jamestown, NY area. It is a cooperative effort of Bethel Lutheran Church, First Lutheran Church, Holy Trinity Lutheran Church, Immanuel Lutheran Church, and GA Family Services. If you know of a young person who would benefit from its mixture of faith formation, recreation, and service learning, please send them along!

This month we're doing a food drive for Joint Neighborhood Project, a Halloween Parade for residents at Lutheran Social Services, and a pool party at JCC. We're learning about how we all have a ministry to our friends and family.

We also have some opportunities for parents to learn about the impact they can have on the faith formation of their children.

Here is a link with all the details:

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