November Youth News from around the conference

The vision of Southwest Conference Youth Ministries is that "every ELCA congregation in the Southwest Conference will collaborate together to benefit our youth, sharing knowledge and resources, using best practices." 

Get involved: The Southwest Conference Youth Ministries Planning Team is forming. It is for young people in grades 9 – 12 and caring adults, too. We're getting together at First Lutheran in Jamestown on Saturday, November 19 at 9am to get acquainted and get input into what kind of events we'll put on over the next few months. Come check it out and decide if you want to share your gifts as part of the team!

Get resources: Have you heard about the Practice Discipleship project? It's an online series of trainings being put on by the ELCA Youth Ministry Network and the ELCA Youth Gathering. The webinars are intended to "equip adults to do excellent ministry with young people." Authentically Lutheran and eminently practical, these twice-monthly trainings are of interest to youth workers, Sunday School teachers, and chaperones to next summer's Youth Gathering. And did we mention they're FREE? Sign up at: http://www.elcaymnet.org/ELCATrainingOverview

Get inspired: Our new conference youth website is live! Always know about the many exciting events happening around the conference, like the upcoming Captive Free concert at Bethel (Jamestown), lock-in at St. Timothy's, and the new Advent Retreat at LCLC. Browse a large selection of theologically sound and research based topics, too. Check it out at: http://younglutherans.blogspot.com/

Contact: Ian Eastman, Southwest Conference Youth Ministries Coordinator

Phone: 720-8584, Email: ifeastman@yahoo.com

Look what's happening during November at SLYM

The Shared Lutheran Youth Ministry is a youth group for grades 5 - 12 that meets in the Jamestown, NY area. It is a cooperative effort of Bethel Lutheran Church, First Lutheran Church, Holy Trinity Lutheran Church, Immanuel Lutheran Church, and GA Family Services. If you know of a young person who would benefit from its mixture of faith formation, recreation, and service learning, please send them along!

Here is a link to the November 2011 schedule for SLYM:

Open publication - Free publishing - More lutheran

Lock-in at St. Tim's!

The Youth Group at St. Timothy's Lutheran Church has a Lock-In coming up--and they are inviting other churches around the Southwestern Conference to take part!

Youth Lock-in
St. Timothy's Lutheran Church
3748  Route 430, Bemus Point, NY   14712
Begins: Friday, Nov. 11 at 7pm
Ends: Saturday, Nov. 12 at 8am

Ann McKillip, youth director, says: "The event is for 7th grade and up. The evening will include a variety of things like worship and music, games, movies & Bible studies. Bring pillows and sleeping bags, too.  St. Tim's is providing pizza on Friday night and breakfast the next morning."

Ann asks that any youth groups attending bring an adult to help supervise and some snacks and drinks to share. Please let her know by November 9 if your youth group is planning on coming and how many youth to plan for.  You can email Ann here or call her at 716-664-5529.

This Lock-In, along with the Captive Free concert at Bethel, are both ready-made events for churches to collaborate. It's this kind of cooperation that will benefit youth from throughout the Southwest Conference!

Hot, cool & just right

We knew something was up when Eli, my five-year old nephew, wanted his hair combed by Nigel, my fourteen-year old son. Grooming and appearance had never been a priority for Eli before, outside of Halloween, but there he was holding out a comb in the midst of getting ready for day camp.  "Make sure you comb mine just like you comb your hair," said Eli. "I want it to look good for the ladies." This caused a lot of laughter before he was off to Chapman Dam.

Great-grandma was waiting for him when he got back. Over an afternoon snack, she asked him how he enjoyed camp. Eli said, "I had fun in the sand and in the water. Oh, and I asked a girl to marry me." When asked why he wanted to get married, he got a broad grin and answered, "I like everything about her—even her brother!" Great-grandma asked him how the girl responded to his proposal. Eli was disappointed that she didn't reply to him. So, he said, "I told her she was hot." (He heard it on a TV show and thought it sounded good.)

When Great-grandma regained her composure, she patiently explained to him that maybe a better place to start would be to tell her that he thought she was nice or fun. Telling a person they are "hot" or commenting on their appearance can put them on the spot and embarrass them. Maybe he should just say tomorrow that he wanted to be friends. I haven't received a wedding invitation from Eli, so I assume that he took his grandma's advice.

A few days later we noticed something different was up with Eli. A generally affectionate kid, we were used to being greeted with a friendly hug when we saw him. The girls in the family would even get a peck on the cheek. But he started sidestepping people and announcing, "I don't do hugs anymore." Turns out that he heard that from a "cool older kid" and he wanted to be "cool like him." Great-grandma brought some wise advice once again during snack time. She explained to him that cool people are comfortable being themselves, not trying to be someone else—so a cool person would never be embarrassed showing affection to the people he loved. So Eli decided he was cool right then and there and the hugs resumed.

A really satisfying part of my work at my day job--Family Services of Warren County--is working with men who batter and otherwise abuse their partners. Many of the men are resistant to the group at the beginning, but talking about a better way to have relationships gradually transforms their thinking. I can't tell you how many times over the last five years that men have told me, "I wish I would have learned this stuff in school." I suggest that learning about relationships can start even earlier than that, and in fact already does: right in our homes. Kids learn the good, the bad, and the ugly about how people treat each other by watching us adults!

There's also some important un-learning that can go on in the home, too, as demonstrated by Eli and his Great-grandma. Messages and values portrayed on TV and in pop culture can be engaged critically, like when grandma and Eli had a conversation about the "she was hot" comment. This same kind of conversation can happen about role models and peers, too. Come to think about it, Eli has a pretty good role model in his Great-grandma. She has a 70-year head start in relating to people and won't steer him wrong!

Get your Bon-Ton Coupon Book Now

This in from Tara Eastman, Youth & Family Director at First Lutheran:

In July 2012, twelve youth and five adults will be traveling to the Youth Gathering in New Orleans. Fundraisers will be our main resource in achieving the goal of making this trip.

Until November 10th, First Lutheran and Holy Trinity will be selling coupon books for Bon-Ton "Community Days" for $5.00 each. These coupon books are worth up to $200.00 at Bon-Ton during their holiday kick-off sale on November 11th and 12th. The $5.00 donation will fully go to our cause to raise funds for this upcoming summer mission trip. We currently need help selling coupon books in the store on Nov. 4th from 6-8pm, and Nov. 5th 10am-noon. If you would like to help volunteer on these days or assist in selling booklets, please call 664-4601 or 969-3950.

Thank you for your support of this life-changing ministry and mission experience for our youth!

4 Easy Steps to Ensure Teens Can't Stand You

Autumn is a time of new beginnings and experiences for young people. Maybe you're done got yourself roped into helping out with teenagers--teaching Sunday School, organizing youth group, or leading a choir. Here's a sure-fire way to make sure that no one ever asks you to invest this kind of time and effort in youth again. I call it:

4 EASY STEPS TO ENSURE TEENS CAN'T STAND YOU

# 1. Prejudge them by the clothes they wear, where they live, and their family history. Repeating the mantra "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree" ensures that you'll always know what to expect out of each teen right from the get go. Assume that kids from good homes never have real problems and that kids from bad ones are nothing but problems.

#2. Rib, cajole and tease them about every awkward step they take. There's a lot of literature out there about the profound changes a teen experiences on the journey from childhood to fully functioning adult, but who really reads that stuff? Poking fun at the teen drama puts youth back in their place and lets you have some peace and quiet. Demeaning nicknames do the trick, too.

#3. Keep them as passive as possible. Youth get too out of control otherwise. You're the grownup--that means you're the one with the knowledge and experience. Always tell them what to do, never show them what to do. And for goodness sake, don't ever let them experiment or try to learn something on their own!

#4. Assume that youth are only interested in sleeping in, eating pizza, and texting. If you have high expectations for young people, you'll only be disappointed.

These four easy steps, applied consistently, will ensure that teenagers will be groaning when they see you coming in no time. Heck, they may even hate you! Of course, you could--#1) get to know them personally  #2) reassure them that they're normal  #3) help them learn what they're good at  &  #4) show them that they can make a difference in this community--but then they may begin to like you and maybe even ask you to help out again next year!

Really listen

Last week I reviewed Jim Hancock's How to Volunteer Like a Pro. I wanted to include this poem from his book, but didn't have the space. I think it has a lot to say to about relationships to parents, volunteers, and anyone who works with youth:

Listen

You wanna know how I'm doing?

Don't ask.

Seriously.

Don't ask if you're not ready to listen.

Don't say, "How you doin'?"

I'll just say, "Fine."

It's the answer I'm trained to give

––whether it's true or not.

A shallow answer

to a shallow question.

Most people don't really wanna know;

they assume I know they're just being polite.

I don't think that's polite at all.

Short questions get short answers.

You wanna know how I'm doing?

Ask what I've been up to;

what I'm working on;

what's up with my family.

If you're asking me (and I sensed you were),

most of the best questions don't have question marks:

"Tell me about your sister."

"I'd like to hear about your job."

"Tell me how you felt."

"Tell me what you mean."

"I'd like to know more about that."

You wanna know how I feel when

You ask questions that way?

I feel included.

I feel cared for.

I feel like I belong.

Please…

if you already know the answer,

it's not really a question, is it…

––it's a test.

Please don't do that to me.

(I hate tests.)

Don't make me look foolish.

Don't trick me.

Don't use me to

make a point.

If you're serious,

ask what I think,

ask how I feel,

ask an honest question,

and wait for my honest answer.

Learn from silence.

If I don't answer right away

––if the silence goes on too long—

ask what that means.

Maybe I'm embarrassed.

Maybe I didn't understand the question.

(Maybe you weren't clear.)

Maybe I'm thinking (and wouldn't that be nice).

You wanna know how I'm doing?

Sometimes I'm sad

because life is confusing

and painful,

and we both know

there's nothing you can do to fix that.

It's okay. I'll be fine…truly.

That doesn’t mean I don't want you to check.

Give me a chance to tell you when I'm fine,

and maybe I'll tell you when I'm not.

Don't take my first response

at face value.

Listen with your eyes:

Do I look like I'm doing all right?

Listen with your heart: Do you believe my answer?

With the very best motives

––sometimes with the worst––

I'm capable of every kind of deceit.

Just like you.

Don't ask me to do what you won't.

If you wanna know my story,

tell me yours.

Let me know I'm safe––

let me know you're not perfect either.

When I believe that,

I'll talk your ear off.

Taken from How to Volunteer Like a Pro by Jim Hancock. Copyright © 2009 by Jim Hancock. Used by permission of Zondervan, www.zondervan.com.

Captive Free in concert

An event for the young perople in grades 4-12 is being sponsored by Bethel Lutheran Church in Jamestown. Captive Free, a relational music ministry team sponsored by Youth Encounter, will present an evening of experiential worship on Saturday, November 12, at 7pm. Bring a friend and join us for this faith-encouraging program of music and personal sharing. Captive Free ministers in churches, schools, assisted living homes, detention centers, and Christian youth conferences across the country.

Bethel is inviting all the other churches in the Southwest Conference to take part. A free-will offering will be collected--personal care items or gas cards for the band are appreciated, too. Jennifer Spacht at Bethel says "It would be a BIG help if attending churches brought some goodies for each event. Pop or Juice, cups, small snack size plates and napkins, and a few small snack-type dishes or bagged treats (chips, etc.) to pass would be great! As the event gets closer, please let me know how many you expect to attend from your church, just so I get a rough number."

Bethel Lutheran Church is located at 904 West 3rd Street in Jamestown.

New Advent Retreat being offered at LCLC

Lake Chautauqua Lutheran Center is offering something new for campers in 4th – 9th grade! From LCLC Executive Director Lee Lindeman: "Can’t wait for the March Winter Retreat to get back to LCLC? Do you enjoy the seasons of Advent and Christmas? What better way to combine all that you love about LCLC with the excitement of this special time of the church year."

The LCLC Advent Retreat, December 2-4, includes:

• Advent Bible Studies and Worship
• Reconnecting with old camp friends and making new ones
• Campfires, Advent Crafts, Cookie Decorating
• Christmas Carols
• Games and Hikes
• Great Food and Snacks

The retreat begins with registration at 7:00 p.m. Friday night and ends at 11:00 a.m. Sunday. Cost is $85/person (includes a $10 non-refundable deposit) for programming, great meals, delicious snacks, and lodging. Registration deadline is November 28, 2011.

In the hustle and bustle towards Christmas, we often seem to experience more "Black Friday" than Advent awareness. This looks to be a promising new tradition that may help reverse that trend. For more information or to register, check out the LCLC website.

How to Volunteer like a Pro

A volunteer at Shared Lutheran Youth Ministry once told me, "I didn't know what the kids would make of me. I wasn't sure if we would have anything in common." I have heard many potential volunteers for youth verbalize the same thing over the years. They worry that they aren't cool enough or are out of touch with the latest technology and trends.

A long time ago I realized that an adult can never be as cool or trendy as a teenager, so there's no point in trying. But we can be present and attentive to youth and be genuinely interested in their lives. One of the best volunteers I ever had simply greeted young people when they showed up to group. He became one of the most beloved members of the youth program, with kids opening up about how they were doing at school and home.

In the past, the elders of the community were revered for their knowledge. The technology of modern times often has inverted the ages, with younger people demonstrating the greatest knowledge. But life is more than the latest gadget—there is still a whole host of wisdom and experience that adults have to share with youth. There are many wonderful initiatives serving youth throughout the conference that would benefit from the interest and attention of some adults. Don’t serve as you can’t—serve as you can!

"Amateurs do what they do because they love it," writes Jim Hancock in his book How to Volunteer Like a Pro: An Amateur's Guide for Working with Teenagers. "Amateurs are responsible for Wikepedia, Linux, and Firefox; amateurs conduct search-and-rescue operations and knock down structural fires in small towns; Olympic-class athletes—most of them—are amateurs. That's the sense in which I think of volunteer youth workers as amateurs, and in that sense the title 'amateur youth worker' is in no way second-class."

A rural conference like ours really owes a debt of gratitude to the many volunteers who benefit youth with their time and expertise. Often they have to learn as they go and training opportunities aren't always plentiful. A great place to start expanding their knowledge base is this book. Jim Hancock, its author, benefits the reader with anecdotes from his two decades experience in youth ministry. His writing is accessible and to-the-point.

From relating to kids and families, to organizing events, to emergency situations like hospital visits and bereavement, How to Volunteer Like a Pro is a concise guide to a number of topics. I recommend this resource for youth workers and Sunday school volunteers. I always try to get a copy in the hands of my volunteers at SLYM!